Dying in Place: Because Dad’s Not Leaving That Recliner Without a Fight

By C², Connie Colleen Wyatt, Occupational Therapist, PNW Home for Life PLLC

You’ve heard of aging in place — now meet its less glamorous (but just as important) cousin: dying in place. I know, I know. That phrase doesn’t exactly scream “fun times” or “holiday dinner topic.” But hang with me. Because this conversation? It’s not just necessary — it can actually be full of love, laughter, and deep connection. (And probably some eye rolls from your mom. That’s how you know you’re doing it right.)

First, What Even Is “Dying in Place”?

Think of dying in place as the last chapter of aging in place — it’s when someone chooses to live their final days at home, surrounded by familiar things, smells, pets, people, and ideally, the remote they’ve hidden from you since 2007.

According to the article on AgingInPlace.com, most folks — especially our beloved older ones — want to pass peacefully at home. Not in a hospital room full of machines and mystery Jell-O.

It’s not morbid. It’s meaningful. It’s about comfort, dignity, and control. And guess what? That’s where you come in.

If You’re an Adult Child, This Is Your Cue (Yes, You)

Look, I get it. You love your parents. But bringing up “the end” over lunch feels like a good way to kill the mood — or at least earn a solid side-eye from Dad between bites of his Costco hot dog.

But here’s the truth: avoiding this talk doesn’t protect anyone. It just leaves you in the dark when decisions need to be made. And trust me, in my OT world, I’ve seen what happens when no one talks about it. Spoiler: it’s usually chaos, guilt, and fighting over who has to call Aunt Marge.

So Let’s Make This Less Weird: A Few Starter Tips

🛋 1. Start With the Couch

Don’t go in hot with, “Where do you want to die?” Instead, try:
“If you ever needed extra help, would you want to stay here at home?”

Boom. Easy. No one cries. And suddenly you’re talking about what matters.

🛁 2. Tour the House Like an OT Would

Are there steps to the bathroom? Is the rug trying to kill someone? Could a hospital bed fit in here without blocking Mom’s view of her shows?

OTs are pros at home safety, comfort, and dignity. We’re like HGTV, but for dignity and death prep.

📺 3. Normalize the Conversation

Bring it up during a commercial break. Laugh a little. Make it personal.
“Dad, I know you’d haunt me if I ever put you in a home with decaf coffee.”
(He’ll laugh — or at least grunt in agreement.)

Dying in Place Isn’t Just About Dying — It’s About Living Well Until the End

This isn’t about giving up. It’s about giving choice. Dying in place lets your loved ones:

• Stay in control of their environment
• Be surrounded by the people and things they love
• Avoid unnecessary hospital visits
• Have a chance to say goodbye in a way that feels right

And in the words of every elder I’ve ever met: “I’d rather be at home in my chair than in some place where I can’t even find the remote.”

Same, honestly.

Where OTs Fit In (Besides Bringing the Good Snacks)

Occupational Therapists (hi, that’s me 👋) are the unsung heroes of this entire process. We can:

• Help set up the home for safety and comfort
• Teach family how to assist without throwing out their backs
• Support emotional processing (yes, even with sarcasm)
• Advocate for equipment, hospice support, and whatever keeps Dad from “just dealing with it”

We’re here to bridge the gap — between what people want, what families fear, and what actually works.

So, Adult Kids: Ask the Awkward Questions. Hug Your Parents. Then Hide the Remote Again.

Because talking about dying in place isn’t about death. It’s about making space for a beautiful, personal, and peaceful goodbye—one that happens where life happened, with the people who made it matter.

And yes, we’ll make sure the recliner stays right where it is.

With love, practical tips, and a rolling walker in my trunk just in case —

C², Your OT and Unofficial Advocate for Home-Based Exit Strategies

Pnwhomeforlife.com

360-770-1752

Reference: https://aginginplace.com/dying-in-place/