A Warning From the Elders: Your Choices Now Become Someone Else’s Reality Later

By C², Connie Colleen Wyatt, Occupational Therapist, PNW Home for Life PLLC

There’s a phrase I hear often from adults in their 20s, 30s, 40s — even 50s:
“I don’t care if I only live to 70. I like how I live now.”
It’s usually said with a laugh, a shrug, or a raised glass.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth:
You won’t “just live to 70.”
You will almost certainly live far longer — even if your habits are wrecking you.

Medicine will keep your heart beating long after your choices stop supporting your ability to actually live. And the years between “not caring” and “still being alive” can be some of the hardest years imaginable — not only for you, but for the people who love you.

This isn’t my opinion. It’s what older adults themselves desperately want younger adults to understand.

What Elders Want You to Know

In his decades-long Legacy Project, gerontologist Dr. Karl Pillemer interviewed thousands of older adults about the biggest lessons of a lifetime.

One message came up again and again:

“People will live much longer than they think — and how they care for themselves earlier determines the quality of those years.”
— Dr. Karl Pillemer

In other words, you won’t die early. You’ll live long — in a body shaped by your daily choices.

And the elders he interviewed were blunt about this:

“The habits you think don’t matter in your 20s, 30s, and 40s have enormous effects later in life.”
— Dr. Karl Pillemer

Most of the suffering people experience in their 70s, 80s, and 90s isn’t random.
It’s the delayed accumulation of the same choices younger adults brushed off as “no big deal.”

But Wait — Here’s The Caveat That Matters

Some conditions are random, tragic, genetic, unpredictable, or plain cruel.
I know this. You know this.

I never blame anyone for:

• cancer
• dementia
• autoimmune disease
• neurological conditions
• catastrophic events
• congenital disorders

These are not “lifestyle failures.” They’re human reality.

This message is not about blaming people for illnesses they never deserved.
This message is for the choices we can control.
And too many people are pretending those choices don’t matter.

The Part Younger Adults Don’t Realize

Dr. Pillemer’s interviewees repeatedly expressed regret — not only for their own suffering, but for the weight placed on their spouses, adult children, and extended family:

“Most caregivers never expected to be caregivers. They were drafted into it because the people they love didn’t plan.”
— Dr. Karl Pillemer

People rarely “go quickly.”
They decline: slowly, steadily, often painfully.
And someone — usually someone younger — becomes responsible for everything they cannot do.

Your choices today shape someone else’s tomorrow.

“I Don’t Care If I Only Live to 70” Is a Dangerous Lie

It’s a fantasy younger adults cling to, but the math doesn’t support it.
According to Pillemer’s research:

“Younger adults underestimate their lifespan.”
— Dr. Karl Pillemer

Advances in medical technology mean you will likely live well beyond 80 — even if your lifestyle collapses at 50.

But the quality of those years?
That’s the part no one can rescue for you.

You may live to be 85 —
but those last 15–25 years could be dependent, immobile, isolated, and medically exhausting.
Not because fate is cruel, but because the body you built in your youth could no longer carry you.

A Message to Younger Care Partners

You, more than anyone, know the truth.
You’re watching the long tail of health choices play out in real time.
You’re witnessing:

• dementia’s slow unraveling
• mobility fading
• preventable disease progressing
• systems overwhelmed
• families breaking under the weight

You know this isn’t hypothetical.
You see the cost — emotionally, physically, financially, socially.

Dr. Pillemer puts it simply:

“Caregiving is one of the most common and least expected life experiences.”
— Dr. Karl Pillemer

And many caregivers say the same thing:
“If only someone had told us earlier. If only we had known.”

Here’s the Compassionate Warning

You still have time.
No matter your age.
No matter your habits.

You have time to shift — even slightly — toward:

• better nutrition
• more movement
• deeper relationships
• healthier coping
• getting outside in fresh air
• sleep
• purpose
• cognitive engagement

Your choices today are an act of love toward your future care partner — whoever that person turns out to be.

Because when you take care of yourself, you reduce suffering for everyone who will someday walk beside you.

“We don’t get to choose whether we age — only how much we burden the people who love us.”

By C²
connie@pnwhomeforlife.com
360-770-1752